When others insist on trying to instilling their judgements and opinions and ideas of how things should or shouldn’t be done it takes a certain amount of courage and fire to hold your boundaries, to not abandon yourself but instead to hold and trust yourself while still staying open hearted and compassionate towards them. To stay true to your own direct experience and to trust that even while staying open to hearing what they’re saying or pointing to.
It’s all too easy to close the heart as a way of protection but for me this is where relative boundaries of the physical and psychological variety play a beautiful and powerful role. Learning to have good and healthy relative boundaries allows one to fall further into the open spiritual heart, the boundless and all encompassing heart of love beyond even ideas and concepts of love. Love as the subject or description/fragrance of the Self, not as an object or action undertaken fleetingly.
This kind of love holds room for even very strong boundaries to push against each other. This kind of love holds room for, but is not eclipsed by even strong conditioning and coercive projections that may be headed your way. This kind of love allows for you (and others) to have all manner of relative boundaries as it permeates all boundaries. So this kind of love has no fear of boundaries, in fact it honours and upholds them. This kind of love honours and upholds the human being and all the phenomenal relativity of life as this kind of love transcends yet includes all.
Healthy relative boundaries are a saving Grace that allow for the true expression and love of Self to flourish.
Yesterday this came through around the impending restarting of group transmissions this Sunday.
The transmissions are in some ways entirely changing as I myself having gone through a deeply transformative time recently in what now seems apparently in preparation for this next step. There was an intense and painful lifting out of what feels like the last layers of deep trauma in my system so that the open field that is accessible to me is very firm, stable and vast.
With this, the frequency and lightness of the transmissions have now moved into a different place, and I feel that when we come together the effects of this type of supportive and sacred environment allow for this lifting out of deep collective trauma and densities of conditioning for those participating in the group. There’s a washing away of trauma, a purification of the system, that allows for not only the seeing and coming into who you and what you are, but the opening up of Self beyond self. The opening up of Self even beyond the ideas of awakening and enlightenment.
I act as a link in the chain or vessel for this transmission to be held and seen in each individual; so they can and will come to see their own power and availability of this transmission in themselves. Then their conditioned densities (and ego) will no longer shield them from themSelves, as the purification of trauma fields reveal a more grounded and yet higher ‘base frequency’.
The transmissions while being even gentler, smoother and softer are actually acting in a more powerful energetic way, washing away and purifying all that come into this energy field, like the unstoppable surge of a vast ocean wave.
I feel the group dynamics are precisely what is needed now, more than ever. They provide a deep well of support for collective and ancestral trauma to be witnessed, held and lifted from the systems of the individual, and in turn the collective.
We are living in interesting times indeed…
May the light of life shine brightly in each of us,
May the gratitude and reverence to life itself be known deeply in the heart,
And may we come together for the good of all.
I want to share what’s been going on with me recently, mainly so that people who’ve been working with me, or following my journey and work over the years can understand where I’m at right now. I’ve always aimed to be as open and transparent as possible, but more importantly because I see the universality of this process that I find myself in too.
And so I hope this blog post can be helpful to others, to encourage us all to lean into what life calls of us rather than trying to find a way around it or even try to bypass it altogether. I encourage you to open up further instead of withdrawing and closing off from a painful process or part of yourself. It’s the opening that leads to greater strength and clarity, greater freedom and grounding in one’s Self, greater acceptance and love.
But I also recognise we are each only able to open when we’re able to open, just as the fruit falls from the tree when it’s ripe. So this transmission of words is to all of you that find yourself in a position of ripeness. A position of life asking to meet whatever darkness lays within you so that you may step forth into your fullness.
Spiraling Back Through Old Trauma
So what I find myself being faced with right now is a deep dark core trauma that is working its way out of my system. A trauma field that has shaped and informed me and my life through what feels like a long ancestral line of this energetic footprint. I’ve found this trauma too subtle, too all-pervading to even put words or a single narrative to. I found that it had to be still subtly subtly held at a distance and therefore with some sense of unclarity until now because it was too vast, too big, too dark that it would have very likely overwhelmed my system beyond reconciliation.
Trauma that I naively thought I’d already met but have discovered over the years it’s more like a spiral – you keep meeting it again and again but in a new light, in a subtler and deeper sense, where you find a new perspective each time you cycle around to it. Each time my system adjusts, opens further, until now where I’ve reached the point where my system is asking for the whole of this un-native trauma energy to be uprooted, so that all parts of myself on all levels that have been cut off as a protection mechanism can be truly brought back into my system. Let me be clear, this is not obvious surface level stuff I’m talking about, it’s incredibly subtle and slippery to see, let alone name. But it’s time. I’m ready, it’s ready.
Slowing Down for the Process
The last few weeks I’ve been walking through a big and profound unraveling that’s requiring me to really really slow down and conserve my energy and focus for this process as it takes a lot of space and tenderness to walk through. It takes a real vigilance of awareness, a total focus on the present moment to allow for what is pushing up into the light of awareness. It requires me to set very good boundaries with my energy as this stuff in this particular energy field I’ve found to be very wily and dense, leaving me shaky, vulnerable and exhausted. I wholeheartedly welcome this process, but it’s not an easy one to walk through.
So as such I’ve found myself much less available to others for the moment, particularly for Satsang meetings and 1-1 sessions as with these types of sessions I find that I am having to entirely leave aside the process I’m going through as I give the person(s) I sit with the whole undivided focus of my energy and attention.
Interestingly the transmissions are a different matter altogether as I’ve actually found them to be very energetically nourishing for me. They seem to help this process of touching the core traumas, not just for myself personally but all those receiving these transmissions too. It’s like a profound holding of the universal trauma-pain field so that it may be transmuted into light, and in the process reuniting our self with the obviousness of our true undivided Self (Consciousness).
I feel this information is in the transmission, in the light, the information that allows for people to open up to the fullness of their soul beyond the limited distortion of our traumas, uplifting us into a higher level of universal healing, change and harmony.
So right now I temporarily need this extra space for this process, so that I can deal with it fully and be able to come back to the work that I’m called to do with people. I don’t anticipate this going on for too long, but for the month of July I’ll be offering limited 1-1 session slots as a result.
As an aside, I also recently came to the decision to press pause on the Global Transmissions (which I’ve been doing since early 2018) as I walk through this challenging time.
Am I the Doer of This Process?
Don’t mistake my description of this process as that of me having to ‘do’ this… of course ‘I do’ on one level certainly, but it’s a choice-less doing at its heart. A ‘doing’ not of a doer, but as a description of a happening… this whole life as a happening, leading entirely to this moment. And as I see it unfolding I can’t help but wonder and marvel at the divine intelligence of life as it comes to bear the fruit it that has been growing within its bosom. It’s the same intelligence that awoke the remembrance and realisation of a truly strong foundational recognition of my groundless ground of Being.
Through this these seemingly final pieces of the puzzle can be welcomed into the powerful and ubiquitous Light of Self, such light that cannot be overwhelmed by the darkness that these historical trauma energies hold. It’s this innate intelligence that has guided the years of inner work, taking me continuously to the edge, pushing the boundaries of comfort again and again, bringing light to the corners ready to be lit. It’s been such a process, and it’s a process that I see we all have to go through eventually.
What all of this is making abundantly clear to me (even more so than it even was already) is that the Self-Realisation (ie. non-dual awakening) process is just the beginning, the full stop before the next chapter. It brings you to the point where your entire system is so open to finally allow yourself to experience and truly see with all aspects of your entire Being. And with that you are able to see where you were previously coming from, what informed you, the mistakes and assumptions of the conditioned mind, what trauma was laid down that influenced how you experienced the world. It opens up the ability to see and hold all of this while stepping into a bigger picture and out of the limited conditions and influence of these fields.
These are not unique fields as such, the exact content and narrative may well be, but they are a universal dimension of trauma, of pain, of suffering. They are the cause of much deadness and blindness to one’s Self. Fields that we all face as they distort the system and limit our ability to come to the full and unimpeded blossoming of our true nature. And right now in this moment of history I feel that our systems are getting more sensitive so that we find ourselves literally cracking open these trauma fields. There seems to be a particularly ripe time-quality and intensity in that whatever we put our attention on can be held deeply enough that it may come finally into the light.
Awakening is just the beginning.
“Beneath all the veils of conditioning… there you are.”
“Every taste of life is a way of further coming to know your Self.”
“Can you be with all that is without conditions?”
“The phenomenal content of life is arising within us, not separate to/from us, just as the wave is part of the ocean. But we are also beyond or prior to this content, as the substrate of it. Can we see that we both transcend the phenomenal content and yet include it too?”
“Patience… Let wisdom emerge and blossom from within.”
“We are the same source expressed in infinite ways.”
“We include it all, yet paradoxically we transcend it all too.”
Love feels like the greatest risk
but is in fact the greatest reward,
because love itself IS the reward.
Love cannot be taken away from you,
only the seeming objects of love can come and go.
But love is the SUBJECT,
YOU are the subject.
YOU. ARE. LOVE.
So let love flow.
Let it not be about the object.
Let love be about YOU,
that tender expression of love that you are.
Let yourself BE with and as love itself.
Let yourself open and flower to your own love,
even when there is fear there too.
Let yourself keep opening and opening to yourself,
so that you may see that love is just the flow of life,
the flow of Self back to the Self.
“When something once unseen and in the shadows of consciousness is seen through and brought into the light so wholly, then we will find that it is integrated and moved through so entirely that it leaves barely a whisper of a taste…
This is when we know we are free.
This is when we no longer have to fear even our darkest and most seemingly undesirable aspects coming up into the light of consciousness.
This is when we can finally include it all.
This is love.”
“It’s all Grace. There is Grace even in our most egregious ‘human failings’. This too shows us something, not for our own comfort by for our growth, for our realisation. For our recognition that then blossoms out of the ashes of seen through falsities.”
Excerpt taken from It’s All Grace
“Listen without prejudice to life’s whisper of inspiration in your heart.”
“Make friends with all of existence, all the while seeing you’re the very ground of that existence.”
“Stay open and non-grasping and direct experiential understanding will find its way to you.”
“In grief our broken heart shows the sheer amount of love that we are, that love cannot help but pour out from those broken pieces. Let that love flow my love, let it flow.”
Keep quiet, let the mind flail around and burn itself out with exhaustion… you don’t need to go to war with life, trying to subdue and submit it to some image of how it ‘should be’. Eventually you’ll come to recognise the constant ground in all of this is you, awareness you. Awareness that holds within it all the multitudes and flavours of experiencing, effortlessly without tire. Keep quiet and this shall be known, the seeing is the only doing necessary, all else that you find yourselves doing is in support of that… every practice, every book, every teaching, every circumstance that life throws at you, every dead-end, every challenging relationship, every ‘wrong’ turn… all in support of life showing you the nature of life, showing the groundless ground of Being – Awareness. Consciousness. Self.
“Open Awareness is not something you identify with; it’s something you realise you are when all identifications fall away.”
“Hold all that arises gently in loving awareness”
Awakening is not transactional, it’s not a goal to achieve, it’s a calling of grace in our heart that is listened to. It’s a sinking in to our nature, our birth right. It’s a letting go and a surrender to the present moment and all that that is. So as such, it’s a gift.
How can it be possible to contain all of these seeming contradictions and paradoxes?
Yet it is very much possible, as we all are the living example of this. The living example that the Self has room for it all. While the mind cannot fathom this… the heart sinks into the truth of it.
“Let us not be led by fear and hate, but by love and trust. For as long as we have our loyalty be to love we will have the strength to walk through even the darkest of nights.”
It’s hard to believe that we just have to be ourself and that is enough. It’s enough to include all that we are and exclude none of it. Most of us feel that life requires the opposite of this, and so to have that recognition “that I am enough” feels like a miracle, a miracle that we doubt all too easily as not being true. But it is it nonetheless, that we get to be who we are, entirely ourself, no bells or whistles and this is enough, this is it. It’s a wonderful realisation because at the end of the day that’s all we’ve got anyway. When we’ve been stripped of all ideas and ideals of everything we think we ‘should’ be and left naked standing here as we actually are.
We never think that which we are could be loved, or maybe even liked if we show the entirety of ourself. We feel that for sure we have to work very hard to not be this or that part of ourself. But life teaches us that if you learn to love all of YOURSELF, you are free. And in that freedom, those that gather around you, will love you for you, not a mirage or a straight jacket that you have to maintain.
This is true relating, this is true and unconditional love. The ability for you to be you and them to be them, life to be life. It’s not some grand gesture of love, but the loving acceptance and non judgement of the full expression of life as lived through you.
Does this mean we don’t grow or ‘improve’, nurturing those best sides of ourself? No. It means that our best sides of ourself, our love, our compassion, our acceptance, our understanding give room and space for it all too. And in this we become more than just those parts we call our worst aspects. In this we realise that we are so much more, we realise that these aspects pale in comparison to the ground that we are, the love that we are.
“The mess IS the harmony”
Quote from ConsciousTV Interview