I wear my scars
not like armour
that I’m proud of
or a badge of honour
that I boast about,
but as acknowledgement
for what I have experienced.
For the lessons
I have learnt
and as a reminder
of what I have gone through.
They depict the humbling
life showed me.
They are just a part of me
A part that I once tried to hide
A part that I was once ashamed
and avoidant of
A part that I have now
learnt to embrace and love.
My scars tell a story
But it’s just that
They don’t define me.
There are none so bright and full of love
than those that have allowed life to penetrate them fully.
Cracked open so immensely and felt so deeply
the depth and breadth of their experiencing.
Leaving no stone unturned, no shadow unseen, no feeling unmet.
Those that have surrendered so tenderly
to the acknowledgement that they know nothing.
That they are but a whisper on the lips of life,
carried in the arms of Grace,
and held in the groundlessness of Being itself.
Their cracked open heart laid gently to rest
at the feet of their very own beloved Self.
- If resistance shows up,then let that resistance in too.Let it wash over you and into youwithout any sense of wrongness.Even resistance in all its gloryis held tenderly in the depths of Being.So fall,fall darling oneinto the heart of surrenderand let life all the way in.Even if only for a moment,this moment is all it takes.
Your humanness is a gift to be cherished
not a dirty little secret to be hidden
It is divinity in it’s expression
ALL . OF . IT .
Don’t be tempted to run from it
Embracing the fullness of your experience
reveals the fullness of love
it reveals the emptiness of your core
and reveals that there was never anything to run from
and nowhere to run to
I have a secret to tell…
I sound like I know what I’m talking about
but in truth I live entirely in the unknown
No stakes to place
No walls or ceilings or floors to hang on to
life is a free-fall of continuous newness
It’s a leap of faith and trust
and it’s the ever present continuation of acceptance
I have no opinions
and no agenda
nothing to rely on
or anything to lay claim over
I see life as a gift
and all the content that shows up in it part of that gift
Most people are so quick to try and pin down life
to make rules to live by
find positions to take
and opinions to have
But to step into the unknown is to step out of the mind of conception
and into the realm of Grace
into the realm of Self
into the realm of awareness
logic will do you no good here
Life is not some beast to be tamed,
a project to be mastered,
or your b$*%h to be controlled.
Life is a gift.
The gift of Grace.
And with this recognition
I bow to the feet of life
Grace courses through us
in everything we touch,
in everything we experience.
There is nothing that isn’t Grace.
“It’s all by Grace”
For me is the most powerful and humbling recognition.
The acknowledgement that I have no control.
That I am here,
all of me,
all of my experiencing
And so in this
it’s all seen as a gift.
Some call it God.
Some call it Consciousness.
Some call it fate.
There are many names
all pointing to that ineffable impersonal activity of life.
I call it Grace.
The infinite actions and endless possibilities
of life playing life
in the ocean of life.
Wild and unpredictable.
Plenty of variation,
but no separation.
Just as the sun shines on all,
Grace is in all.
There are no distinctions of good or bad,
no questions of right or wrong.
Everything that happens,
everything that doesn’t,
all by Grace.
Every whisper of a thought,
every flash of a memory,
every definitive decision,
every decisive action,
every palpable desire,
every subtle feeling,
every wave of emotion,
every happening of life,
all by Grace.
And so life is lived,
Please don’t forget to save some love
It’s so easy to give so freely
so that you avoid the heartache that pulses inside
To focus on the other
to love the other
to help the other
To have the attention be so fully on the outer actions of life
so that the inner shadows can be hidden and forgotten
Those inner shadows and pains
yearn for your attention
yearn for your love
yearn to be accepted
Don’t forget that the kindest thing you can do for humanity
is start from you and radiate from there
Nourish and hold that beautiful heart in the fullness of love
Let it shine with abandon
Let it sing it’s heart song
A loved heart is the most powerful thing to behold
A loved heart is unstoppable
Start from you
You are the key
to the heart of life
- Sometimes life brings you to your knees.Floors you with it’s strong wisdom.Shows you where the shadows still lie.Where the aspects of yourself are that still go unmet.It’s a calling that when ignoredscreamsandkicksandshoutsto be seen, to be heard.It’s a gut punch of a momentone that takes the breath awayand leaves all else quivering in its wake.All else stops.So you stop with itclose the eyesand listen.Listen to where life is taking you.Listen to what life is showing you.Listen to your heart, to your soul, to your Being.No more strategiesNo more solutionsNo more resistanceNo more avoidanceJust simply what is.And in that silenceall is found.All the messall the heartbreakall the mistrustbeing met fully.All the darkness comes into the light.The opening of yourself so vast that the edge is never metThe melting of all the hurt and violence into acceptance and love.Love wins out.And so you pick yourself upand dust yourself offand on you goheart fully cracked openwith love.
There’s a constant
exploration of life
that is immediate.
To listen to your body,
your physical response to life,
your intuitive knowingness.
The pull towards yes or no.
Not on an intellectual level,
but on a physical level
of what’s right or wrong
for you in that moment.
And we are conditioned to override this all the time.
There’s a bravery
and a risk
to listening to that intuition.
response and reaction
Often it can go against
everything that you think you know.
But it’s screaming for your attention.
Will the head win?
Or will the heart?
Will you let the conditioning and the head run the show?
Or will the naturalness of life win out?
This can be a big battle for most.
The intuition and the heart
eventually will win the war,
but it can take time.
This is not a safe space.
I am not a safe space.
If safe space to you means that you will not be challenged,
and that you cannot challenge me,
then I am not a safe space.
I want to fully lean into life,
have no stone unturned.
No sacred cows that cannot be found.
To me the only way to deal with this life,
is to learn how to live it without a safe space.
To learn to live it without the need to avoid.
To meet everything, in every moment, fully.
I’d rather meet and be met then avoid.
No matter how painful, how raw.
I’d rather live in openness, not closed-ness.
So IF I offer a safe space, it’s the space where anything can be explored, anything can be embraced, with compassion and tenderness. But especially those things that trigger us, because how can you expect those triggers to ever be healed if you’re not willing to go there, to look at them. They will forever be in the corner of your existence, just there within reaching distance, never far away. Leaving you with an ever-present sense of insecurity and danger.
So to me a safe space is one where there is no walls, there is no ceiling, there is no ground, there is nothing to hide behind. Anything and everything can and does show up. There’s room for it all. And so I offer a space with room for it all.
I’ve spent plenty of time in my life avoiding my trauma and triggers, my hurt, my conditioning and my precious concepts. I’ve learnt that this only causes tightness and suffering. The opposite of freedom.
It was when I learnt to meet all of my unexplored pains and traumas, that I was able to be free of them.
So that now they can show up, they can be there, and it’s okay. I have the facility and the sufficient openness and vastness to meet them and not be afraid.
In some ways I’m feeling life more fully, more intensely, and with a rawness that was never there. And that’s not because I avoided or stayed in my sandbox, my safety. It was because I blasted those doors open, no matter how painful, how scared, how vulnerable that was.
I live in perpetually shaky, unstable ground.
But it’s in that instability that I find my true stability.
That I find that I need no stability, that I need no ground.
This is my grounded-ness.
So if we are talking the same language of exploration, then yes… I offer to you a safe space.
Here I am again,
holding space for the palpitating panic that I’m experiencing.
Giving it the space to roam free.
A safe, embracing, loving space
of not trying to fix it.
A shaky space of unknowing.
The need to fix, to help,
to soothe, to solve,
taps into my deepest struggle of a core wound.
It still comes up, especially in the role I find myself in.
Somedays I feel like life is playing one big cosmic joke on me.
The joke of putting me front and centre in the fire of my biggest struggle.
Making me face it again again until it’s accepted, healed, dissolved, seen through, felt fully….
I don’t know what, all of the above and more probably!
The need to fix so as not to feel this burning,
this sense of helplessness,
unbearable pain and heartbreak.
The deep feeling for another’s struggle.
My need to fix is my escape,
an escape which solves nothing,
certainly not permanently.
But can I walk my talk?
Can I hold space for this?
Can I let myself fall into this burning,
into my own heartache?
Can I let go of this escape route?
Because what is the alternative?
Perpetuating this unhealthy old conditioning of ‘needing to rescue’.
This option isn’t available to me anymore.
I see the futility of it again and again,
I see the dead end and the falseness of it.
No-one is anothers rescuer,
life doesn’t work like that.
I’m not talking about being cold and hard and not feeling deeply for others pain and suffering.
I’m talking about seeing that I cannot fix it.
I can hold space for it, but I cannot get rid of it.
That the real power, the real truth is in letting them see that they too can handle it.
All of it.
That no-one can fix anything for them.
No-one is responsible for their salvation.
All I can do is respect and honour the journey that they must and can walk for themselves.
This is the only sane response to life.
To love, but to let go.
To support, but not fix.
Can I be ‘the bad guy’, the one that doesn’t come charging in with all the solutions and stop the suffering?
Can I stand in my burning uncomfortableness and heartbreak because I know in my heart my ‘need to fix’ is mine, not theirs.
I am no-ones savour,
I don’t have solutions,
I don’t have the answers.
I am just here,
burning in my own fire.
Trusting that life has a plan,
That life embraces all of these struggles.
My heart hurts today.
The loss of a loved one is never easy.
Tender, broken and so wide open.
So full of love, so beautiful.
The waves of emotions, energies and memories break over me when least expected.
Life is a precious thing,
but so is death.
Death brings up so much to the surface
The unavoidable mirror of change
and the inevitability of loss.
The lack of certainty and control,
and the great unknown.
Emotions are high,
everyone dealing with it in their own way,
messy and inelegant.
The appreciation and love for those who are both gone and those who are still here.
All parading past in my heart.
Every moment filled with equal intensity of love and pain.
In memory of my dear Uncle Andrew, 1951-2019
In those moment when you can’t see a way forward
through the darkness and confusion,
breathe all the way through to the ends of you fingers and toes.
Notice your aliveness,
your awareness of that aliveness.
Don’t be afraid of the shadows in the dark night of your soul.
Embrace that darkness,
lean into it.
Bring the light of awareness,
into the dark.
The shadows call for attention and recognition,
they call for love not rejection.
Give them the attention they seek
don’t hide from them.
You can’t hide from them.
Breathe deep and boldly move forward
one foot in front of another,
even if that boldness is full of fear
don’t let fear stop you.
Don’t become a slave to doubt and fear.
See that they are arising and falling as naturally as you breathe,
as naturally as happiness and joy
or sadness and sorrow.
See that all that arises is fleetingly held in the sweet embrace of your being
and then dissolves whence it came.
So dig deep, belly breathe through ALL of life’s experience
one foot in front of another
without reference to past or fear of future.
When the story drops away
When the chatter ceases to be
When the drama and ups & downs dry up
When the endless dissatisfaction and seeking stops
When the feeling of next, next, next is gone
What are you left with then?
This that is everything and nothing
This that is life
Everything that you once knew
Or thought you knew
Cease to feel relevant
And yet here you still are
Its a leap into the unknown
A free-fall in life
Nothing to hold on to
Nowhere to put a stake in the sand
Fresh in every moment
Beautiful, alive Isness
I don’t require you to be anyone
to turn up
to be someone
Here in this space
I have no use for concepts and opinions
assertions and knowledge
here in this space we can just BE
Be as we are
naked and vulnerable
strong and fiery
broken and lost
angry or sad
joy-filled and blissful
or nothing at all
Here in this space we can explore the depth of humanity
traverse the fields of experiencing
sit in this divine Isness of life
but most of all be free
free to be
free to be without attributes
free to be whatever and whoever we are
free to sink into this moment
Keep letting go
that dogged determination of seeking
whether it be experiences and pleasure-seeking
better and more ‘stuff’
vaster and deeper knowledge
more experienced and valued skills
let it all go
just for a moment
and experience this moment.
Experience what it is to live life as awareness
unadorned with the commentary of the mind
theres nothing to get rid of, no bad thought
all must be held in the tender embrace of acceptance
for the real blossoming of life lived in truth and freedom
to be recognised as your birthright all along.
I don’t have any designs to be a teacher,
or even a student,
to be anything or anyone.
I simply am.
Living this life in the present moment of pure grace and spontaneity,
meeting each and every moment with the fullness of my heart
and the truth of this moment as I know it.
Never is there anything to be rejected or avoided,
never is there anything to be clung to and grasped;
all is perfectly playing out on this stage of experiencing.
For who am I that can possibly DO any of this,
who could claim any ownership of this moment?
What this isn’t is some spiritual pose,
some ‘way’ of being.
This is just a description of what naturally happens
when the dropping of all pretences,
the dropping of any held view,
the total openness of Sahaja,
the natural state,
when What-Is is.
In the silence I hear the calling.
Be at peace.
You are home.
Look at the world as if you know nothing,
don’t draw any conclusions
about what you experience,
or who you are.
Innocently move through life
experiencing what is
without the burdens of ideas,
judgements and conclusions.
Take each moment a fresh,
knowing that this moment will never be again.
Lovingly embrace each experience of life,
how lucky we are to have the play of life
grace us with its beauty and light.
Embrace all, reject nothing –
see that you are the master of none but the father/mother of all.
I stand in truth.
Can I accept that I may be judged,
I may be questioned,
I may be ridiculed?
Can I accept that,
can I be brave?
Can I stand in my own truth,
without qualification and explanation?
Can I stand sure,
knowing that it’s the right thing,
it’s the only thing?
Can I stand in truth,
unashamedly without reason,
and with no excuse?
Can I stand up for mySelf,
stand tall for the realisation of my very being?
Can I stand up for the truth of my own reality
that I know so well,
Can I live my life without the influence of shoulds and should nots?
Can I say to hell with it all and be as I am?
Can I stand in all my glory,
warts and all,
honest and vulnerable?
Can I accept all of it,
every aspect of me,
every aspect of life,
can I embrace it into my heart without exception?
So I stand in my truth
and in turn encourage others to stand in theirs.
For it’s the most loving thing I can do for myself and others.
Drop all the games,
all the masks,
all the pretences,
all the false concepts and notions,
drop it all.
Stand naked and open,
don’t hide your light.
Let reality, truth and honesty be the guiding movement of life.
Let the truth of your being shine through.
I feel your pain, your suffering.
If I could, I’d tell you that this will pass,
just as the clouds pass in the sky,
just as the ripples of the dropped stone disappear,
just as the passing wind that rustles the tree leaves,
just as the forgotten pain of yesterdays cut finger,
just as the heartbreak of first loves breakup,
just as the treasured childhood wellington’s long outgrown,
just as the wishes of birthday candles past.
Don’t hold on, for this too shall pass.
No letting go
Awareness is aware
All these thoughts whirling around in your head
The whys and hows and what ifs
The past regrets and plans of the future
The shoulds and the should nots
Stop holding on to them
Stop giving energy to them
Stop indulging them
Stop pushing them away
Stop trying to fix them
There’s nothing to be figured out
No puzzle piece that needs to be found
No magical understanding which will make all of this make sense
Let go of all these thoughts
Keep letting go all day long
Abide in that which is aware of all these thoughts coming and going
Stop going to the thoughts as if they’ll be the answer
Stay where you are
Could it be so simple?
I AM before all concepts,
before all that the body and mind experiences,
before all of this,
and yet all of this is contain in and as me.
I AM indefinable, words fail.
I go looking and the one that is looking
disappears into the where looking is happening from.
I AM immeasurable, ineffable silence.
This silence is not silent,
it’s not empty,
it’s not a lack of sound,
it’s an indescribable silence,
I AM that.
You ARE that.