find your biggest fear
and make friends with it
get to know its nature
its seeming binds
let awareness penetrate and
light up the corners
of your existence
so that the shadows
have nowhere left to hide
Fear is a call into the unknown beyond the known, and the mind hates nothing more than the unknown. The mind is the realm of the known, the content of life, but our essential ground of Self is beyond that, it’s prior to the known content. It’s not the object, it’s the subject – the seer, or awareness of the object or content.
And so fear arises because the mind cannot grasp the magnitude and scope of what lies beyond it. It can’t find the edges and boundaries that it looks for. This is because objects have edges but Being has no edges, no start, no finish, no physical attributes for which the mind can grasp on to, categorise and ‘know’.
So arises this fear.
into the unknown.
The fear that it will never get ‘it’. The fear that it can’t control ‘it’. But there is no ‘it’ so both of those fears in a way are very well founded in Truth.
Fear isn’t something to circumnavigate, something to avoid. It’s just a sensation, often intense, arising in awareness. It shows us where our boundaries lie still, it shows us what has already been lit up in awareness, it shows us where our known comfort of the mind is. But who and what we are lays beyond the boundaries and comfort of the mind. Don’t let the presence of fear tell you to stop. Instead make friends with it, it will show where your false edges are. Let it be your guiding light, lighting the path of darkness. Let go into the unknown and you will discover the unknowingness of your Self.
In relationships we have to trust and we have to communicate. It’s a constant leap of faith to say the things that we think they won’t want to hear and we won’t want to hear the answer to, to constantly face the fear of rejection and hurt.
But if you do take that leap of faith and trust, then it’s my experience that life constantly surprises you. It’s such a beautiful thing, but it’s scary, terrifying in fact. I’ve been with Martyn for 15 years and it’s STILL scary. I still have to take a breathe at first sometimes before I say something that is tender and edgy for me, something that I’m not sure of his response to.
This feeling of fear doesn’t disappear over time, you just get used to it. You learn to know it, you even learn to love it because it tells you where your edge of comfort is. It never fully feels safe to share those things that you don’t want to share, because it’s NOT safe. It never feels safe because when you reach an edge of yourself it’s ALWAYS scary. It’s not about the other person, it’s about you. It feels scary to you because you can’t guarantee the response and that’s terrifying, and that doesn’t stop.
If it does then you’re living out of truth and in a fantasy of your own making, because the truth is you can NEVER guarantee what’s going to happen, or what someone’s response is going to be.
So speak even though it’s scary, give them and yourself a chance to deepen and grow. Relationships aren’t easy. They never stop being a constant leap of faith. It’s very much a part of it, and that leap of faith is happening every single second if you’re lucky enough to be in a nurturing relationship. If you’re lucky you are relating new and fresh every moment, every second without reference to past or future and that is both wonderful and terrifying.
It’s opening your chest up, your heart, and trusting. Sometimes your heart gets hurt, but if it stays open life and love goes even deeper than the hurt and that is truly magical. Because with great risk comes great reward.
That risk is terrifying, love is terrifying, so it’s okay to honour that and feel that. But I encourage you to step forward even so, to open your heart wide. Only you can do that. Love is magical, love stretches you to capacity and then stretches you some more.
Love is all there is.