When others insist on trying to instilling their judgements and opinions and ideas of how things should or shouldn’t be done it takes a certain amount of courage and fire to hold your boundaries, to not abandon yourself but instead to hold and trust yourself while still staying open hearted and compassionate towards them. To stay true to your own direct experience and to trust that even while staying open to hearing what they’re saying or pointing to.
It’s all too easy to close the heart as a way of protection but for me this is where relative boundaries of the physical and psychological variety play a beautiful and powerful role. Learning to have good and healthy relative boundaries allows one to fall further into the open spiritual heart, the boundless and all encompassing heart of love beyond even ideas and concepts of love. Love as the subject or description/fragrance of the Self, not as an object or action undertaken fleetingly.
This kind of love holds room for even very strong boundaries to push against each other. This kind of love holds room for, but is not eclipsed by even strong conditioning and coercive projections that may be headed your way. This kind of love allows for you (and others) to have all manner of relative boundaries as it permeates all boundaries. So this kind of love has no fear of boundaries, in fact it honours and upholds them. This kind of love honours and upholds the human being and all the phenomenal relativity of life as this kind of love transcends yet includes all.
Healthy relative boundaries are a saving Grace that allow for the true expression and love of Self to flourish.
Love feels like the greatest risk
but is in fact the greatest reward,
because love itself IS the reward.
Love cannot be taken away from you,
only the seeming objects of love can come and go.
But love is the SUBJECT,
YOU are the subject.
YOU. ARE. LOVE.
So let love flow.
Let it not be about the object.
Let love be about YOU,
that tender expression of love that you are.
Let yourself BE with and as love itself.
Let yourself open and flower to your own love,
even when there is fear there too.
Let yourself keep opening and opening to yourself,
so that you may see that love is just the flow of life,
the flow of Self back to the Self.
“When something once unseen and in the shadows of consciousness is seen through and brought into the light so wholly, then we will find that it is integrated and moved through so entirely that it leaves barely a whisper of a taste…
This is when we know we are free.
This is when we no longer have to fear even our darkest and most seemingly undesirable aspects coming up into the light of consciousness.
This is when we can finally include it all.
This is love.”
Excerpt talking about love and welcoming all aspects of life into that flow of love. Taken from the February 14th, 2021 Bi-monthly Sunday Satsang.
“In grief our broken heart shows the sheer amount of love that we are, that love cannot help but pour out from those broken pieces. Let that love flow my love, let it flow.”
This video contains an excerpt of a Satsang from the September 2020 retreat talking about Happiness, the Self as a container for seeming paradoxes and Divine will.
“Hold all that arises gently in loving awareness”
“Let us not be led by fear and hate, but by love and trust. For as long as we have our loyalty be to love we will have the strength to walk through even the darkest of nights.”
It’s hard to believe that we just have to be ourself and that is enough. It’s enough to include all that we are and exclude none of it. Most of us feel that life requires the opposite of this, and so to have that recognition “that I am enough” feels like a miracle, a miracle that we doubt all too easily as not being true. But it is it nonetheless, that we get to be who we are, entirely ourself, no bells or whistles and this is enough, this is it. It’s a wonderful realisation because at the end of the day that’s all we’ve got anyway. When we’ve been stripped of all ideas and ideals of everything we think we ‘should’ be and left naked standing here as we actually are.
We never think that which we are could be loved, or maybe even liked if we show the entirety of ourself. We feel that for sure we have to work very hard to not be this or that part of ourself. But life teaches us that if you learn to love all of YOURSELF, you are free. And in that freedom, those that gather around you, will love you for you, not a mirage or a straight jacket that you have to maintain.
This is true relating, this is true and unconditional love. The ability for you to be you and them to be them, life to be life. It’s not some grand gesture of love, but the loving acceptance and non judgement of the full expression of life as lived through you.
Does this mean we don’t grow or ‘improve’, nurturing those best sides of ourself? No. It means that our best sides of ourself, our love, our compassion, our acceptance, our understanding give room and space for it all too. And in this we become more than just those parts we call our worst aspects. In this we realise that we are so much more, we realise that these aspects pale in comparison to the ground that we are, the love that we are.
“Love is the very experience of Self knowing its Self in all forms.”
“Fall in love with this moment”
Before you judge and condemn another no matter how bad or wrong you feel they may be, take a moment to see where they are coming from. Take a moment to listen, to feel. Take a moment to listen and feel where you are coming from too – no matter how justified your anger might feel in the moment… just take a moment, take a breath.
We all have the capability to act in ways that are hurtful and harmful. We all have the capability to act out of fear, misguidance and misunderstanding. We all have the capability to lash out and act out when we’re feeling threatened or scared, unheard or unloved.
I don’t believe that human beings are fundamentally bad. Each and every one of us is striving, however imperfectly for love, is striving for acceptance, is striving for happiness, is striving for peace, is striving for inclusivity and oneness. We are striving for the same thing, all of us.
We may go about it in f****d up ways. We may go about it in ways that to the outside world don’t match up to ideas of what that search should like. We may go about it in ways that actually bring about the opposite reaction and consequence from our actions… but nonetheless I believe every person comes from a place of this fundamental search for love and acceptance.
This love may be distorted and contorted so much so that it now only resembles hate, but please take a moment to really consider this – are we all not deserving of a chance, a chance to be loved even though we may not yet know how to love in return?
I know this is hard to hear. But your judgement does nothing to solve the problems of this world. Your judgement does nothing to help. Your judgement brings just more divisiveness, your judgement brings less love not more love to the table.
Judgment and hate breeds more of the same, but with love there is room for it all. With love there is a chance for a flower to bloom in the wake of destruction. Unconditional love breeds redemptive love.
Just to be clear, I’m not sitting here judging your judgement. And I’m not sitting here saying you should sit silently by while others do harm. I’m sitting here saying that while I may even strongly agree with what you’re pointing to… I encourage you to maybe try a different way, a way that encourages, a way that has compassion and understanding for the other. A way that leaves room for people to mess up and make mistakes, yes even big ones, but leaves a chance to grow, and change, and learn. A way that leaves a path back home, to love, to self, to acceptance.
We can have room for both in hearts – the not putting up with, or turning a blind eye to cruel, harmful and unjust behaviour AND the compassion, love and understanding for that person who is acting in those ways.
There will always be differences in experience, there will always be those that act in ways you can’t condone, ways you can’t abide by, but before we write them off as a person because of their actions, can we seek to understand why first? Can we give them, and ourselves a chance at love and acceptance first?
Because this is how I believe change truly happens, with love not with hate. With compassion not judgement. With connection not exclusion. With understanding not assumptions. With acceptance not rejection.
“We cannot love another fully if we don’t yet know love for ourselves, and we can’t fully love ourselves if we haven’t yet found the love for another. They go hand in hand. They are two sides of the same coin.”
Sometimes you just want someone to hear you, to see you, without needing to fix you or explain away your pain and confusion.
To hold the space, the pregnant silence, the love for all that you’re going through.
To not project into the void of uncomfortableness and fill it with solutions, comparisons and stories.
To be okay with just having the space be about you and only you.
To create a refuge and safety for you to go through what you’re going through.
To compassionately be there for you, to listen to you and not make it in any way about them.
To give you space without any needs or any conditions or any time limits.
Sometime you really WANT this. Sometimes you really NEED this. We all do. And that’s okay, that’s not bad or wrong.
Let it sink in… WE ALL NEED TO BE HEARD AND HELD SOMETIMES.
When you do receive this gift of space freely and wholly given, it lights up your heart, it lights up your world. The healing that comes from this act of being held, this act compassion and tender love is immense.
But it’s not always easy to find it in those moments that it’s needed most, by the people that it’s most needed from. And when you aren’t met in this way, then the shame of needing to ask for it comes in full force and the sorrow of your brokenness and aloneness is felt so deeply. The fear and guilt that maybe this is too much for you to ask of them, that you don’t deserve it, that you’re being ‘too needy’, ‘too much’.
And so your heart breaks a little more. You feel yourself withdrawing, resigning to the need for self sufficiency and the ability to self-sooth. You have no right to demand anything of anyone after all, and you know this, you feel this. But even so, all the while the depth of your broken heart wants and wishes them to say… “I’m sorry, I get it, I was uncomfortable with your pain so I tried to fix it. I made it about me. I made it about something I’d read, I’d done, I’d experienced. And all this took the attention from you when you needed so much to just be simply heard and held.”
They missed the mark, even if in their heart they wanted so badly to fully to be there for you. But it’s such a subtle and tender mark that it’s so easily missed. It takes such love, such intimacy, such trust, such openness to listen for those cues before it’s too late.
You want so badly for them to see that you don’t need anything, other than to be heard. That your silence was not a space that needed to be filled, but a space to be held. That you were having a hard enough time letting yourself go there, that even in your awkward attempts at changing the subject or even the mood of the moment were just in fact an invitation to yourself to go deeper, to let go more into the vulnerability of the moment.
Yes, they don’t owe you anything. Yes, you don’t have the right for them to show up in the way you need, or for them to know what you even need. But you so want them to go there with you, to create a safe space so that you can let it all hang out.
Your broken heart just wants to be seen and held with love, so let it be seen and held with love… YOUR LOVE.
“Your capacity to allow people to live a truth completely opposite to yours, without shutting off your compassion for them, is a reflection of how powerful your love is.”
Make friends with that aspect of yourself that you are rejecting or avoiding, those aspects that you judge or deem unsavoury.
That which we reject are often those aspects that require the most love, the most compassion, the most kindness, the most attention in-order that they be integrated into the wholeness of our Being. Those gnarly, messy, ‘bad’ rejected bits of ourselves are often being called to be transmuted into acceptance and love.
For love is the greatest power in the universe. Love has the power to move beyond all seeming boundaries and inhabit every aspect of life. Love has the power to transcend any sense of separation or ‘other-isation’. Love has the power to encompass it all.
So fall in love with all of yourself, all of life, and you will see that that love is eternal and ever-present even in amongst the mess.
“Love sometimes looks like having strong boundaries.”
“Love doesn’t control, love honours and gives room to differences.”
- I saw an article about a popular video platform (ahem… shall remain nameless) banning “medically unsubstantiated” content today… It’s not the first thing I’ve seen in recent weeks and months on various platforms that brings into question freedom of speech and censoring of content all in the name of trying to curb “misinformation” or “fake news”. Once upon a time misinformation or fake news would have been to call the earth round rather than flat. It would have been a heresy to suggest it even but science and understanding is a constantly evolving thing, a working hypothesis rather than an ‘Absolute Truth’.Lack of freedom of speech honestly terrifies me as a proposition for society. It’s not even the thin end of the wedge… I think we’re past that analogy. I understand the imperative need to work and pull together as a collective, especially right now but not in the name of shutting down exploration, not in the name of shutting down thinking outside of the box.To try and calcify and control life’s expressions and evolution is madness. And while I do see a lot of weird and opposing views and opinions out there, even those termed as ‘truth’, I think it’s up to each of us to use our brains, do some research best we can, and ultimately follow our intuition on what works for us rather than have the whole thing taken out of our hands and centrally controlled. When did we become children who have been put on the naughty step by our ‘parents’??? Is this really how this whole thing has to go?
A Tug of WarRight now I feel we’re in a tug of war between fear and love, Ego and Primordial Being, and this is one of the ways it’s showing up.I feel the censoring of speech is always based in fear because in love there is room and freedom for it all, room for the exploration of it all. Truth, if it’s truly true will win out. To shut down exploration in favour of maintaining the safety or security of the ‘norm’ and the protection of the current popular theories or understandings of life, is the death of inquiry, the death of growth – generally and spiritually speaking.To explore our assumptions and current working truths is to kick the tires and the strength of our lived reality. When did dissenting views become such an evil thing? I feel it’s never a bad thing, and it always leads to greater and greater clarity and understanding. Yes it may feel messy and uncomfortable, yes it may look polarising and argumentative or contrarian… but this is only amplified if we hold tightly to knowingness and rightness. Even those tightly held beliefs will not hold up as the cracks of exploration begin to widen.Love and truth are the ground by which all is held. Love shines into the heart of life, bursting open any untruth. The unexplored darkest corners of existence can be lit with a single tiny light so I say… let love win out over fear. Be that light, be that love. Fear is control, fear is lack of love, fear is lack of acceptance, fear is lack of playful and vigorous exploration of life. But fear is not a drop in comparison with the power of love.It saddens me when I see this world more and more devolving into fear, into control, into lack of questioning and lack of freedom to explore. I may not agree with what your view or current working truth is, but I will go to the ends of the earth to defend your right for genuine exploration and freedom to express that. Love doesn’t control, love honours and gives room to differences.Just think of all the beautiful and amazing evolutions of understanding that occur through people stepping outside of the conventional norms and daring to discover, daring to explore and daring to follow love not fear.
You feel say you feel undeserving and unworthy of love but may I remind you that you ARE love. Love courses through your very being, it is the fabric of your existence. To say you are unworthy of it is like saying the sky is unworthy of being the sky because it has clouds in it.
Just because life shows up in a multitude of ways, some of which we deem ‘bad’ does not make you unworthy of love. In fact it makes it all the more necessary to discover the underlying truth of that love that pervades all and that is the groundless ground of it all. It becomes all the more vital to discover the ground of your love so that you don’t get caught in the belief that this or that thought or action IS all there is to you.
Make no mistake your messy humanness in all its manifestations IS part of your divine love story. It is an intimate part of you. Part of your path, part of your love song. Just as a knot in a tree trunk is part of the tree. But the thing that courses through your veins and through your very being IS love.
So cast aside these notions of worthiness with regards to love. You cannot be separated from the fabric of your existence and that fabric is the fabric of LOVE.
Oh Merciful Love!
Is not this love a universal love? A universal and all forgiving love.
You fear your actions put you beyond redemption, beyond forgiveness.
But what is unforgivable in the eyes of love?
Grace has no such judgements of deservedness or not.
Grace seeps into the hearts of all those who welcome her, of all those that open their hearts to the possibility of love.
There are none so evil, so bad, so unredeemable that cannot be seen in the light of love when the understanding of what makes us do what we do is given space to dance.
Grace is merciful, Grace is kind, Grace fills the air with the loving embrace of a mother unconditionally accepting her children back into the fold, endlessly time and time again.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that you are unworthy of love.
Unworthiness comes from the realm of judgement and assumptions of action being unforgivable.
Just look deeper: all action yearns for love, for wholeness, for acceptance.
In its way all action comes from love no matter how misguided and utterly messy the results may be.
So let us fall ceaselessly in love; let us fall fully into the arms of Grace.
“The mind is a pernicious trickster who hides in plain sight, whispering in your ear the seeds of self doubt and fear. Tune into your heart song, it tells an entirely different story of love and trust.”
“We are in challenging times but I also feel there is opportunity for all of us to connect deeply to what is important and true in our lives. May your love and trust hold space for even the presence of fear.”
A Deeper Kind of Love – Video excerpt from the Living Your Full Expression webinar with Imogen and Leonor on 22nd February 2020.