People think that awakening is something they are in control of, something they bring about. But I find myself in utter surrender to God, to Life, to Grace, to the Divine. It asks everything of me, in that I feel that no stone can go unturned where there is work to be done. Done by who? By life.
It’s been an emptying out for sure. Emptying out of that which is non-native, that which seemingly dims the light of consciousness, overshadowing and distorting our true nature temporarily. It feels like this process is that of ever polishing the diamond of the heart. Life-force energy often feeling like liquid diamonds – the energy further and further refining. The vessel of this mind-body, further and further refining so that it may be of service to the divine.
That’s what I feel like my job title is – “In service to the Divine”. I often wonder how I found myself here, it certainly wasn’t planned, or even desired! I feel like life got a hold of me, the Divine planted in my heart the whisper of itself, calling me home.
What a strange thing to live in this world with this perspective, on one hand living quite a normal life, going about the weekly shop, and yet…. A part from the norm too. Living a kind of parallel life, hidden in plain sight, my heart firmly belongs the divine in all things. I eat, breath and live the recognition of this, not as some stance of grandeur and accolade, but in a quite ordinary, simple and yet profound living reality.
And so sometimes I feel like a stranger in these lands. Yet somehow, paradoxically, this body deeply feels and knows the earth beneath her feet and the stars in the sky, like it was meant to be this way. The paradox is quite outstanding, and yet gives me no trouble, as my heart finds room for it all.