Read more about the article The Illusion of Free Will

The Illusion of Free Will

The illusion of free will is just that - an illusion. While it may be a short term comfort, the sense of control, of the person from the person, again and again we will meet the cracks that reveal the truth of it - it is just that... an illusion, a dance, a play, All. Of. It. But when holding onto this appearing seeming comfort, we can be overcome with the deeply somatic and existential fear that contradicts and points out our dearly held false belief. And in doing so, naturally the crumbling of that is a painful one to be sure. It is not the lack of control that is painful, but the holding on to falsities. We are emptiness dancing. No thinker, yet thinking happens. No doer, yet doing happens. When a letting go and surrendering of these false notions occurs it will be revealed, that "all shall be well, all shall be well, and all manor of thing shall be well." ~ Julian of Norwich All is playing out as it always did, just with the lack of overlayed commentary that talks of the failure or success of that which the "I" seemingly controlled. It is our…

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Read more about the article My Heart Breaks, I Pray for All

My Heart Breaks, I Pray for All

What is going on in the world affects us all on many different levels, both seen and unseen. For me, what's currently happening also feels a touch personal, closer to home in some small way. I made the mistake of going on social media today, barely a moment in and I realised this was not the place to be, not for me, not right now. Especially during a retreat, the very thing I advise people against during a retreat! So here I am instead, on beyondimogen.com - my little nook of the internet. I'm not sure if this post will ever make it elsewhere. -- I am horrified by what is going on in the world on all fronts. The divisiveness, the hate, the lines we have drawn in the sand, too many to count. It all feels impossible. How can we make our way through all of this? What is to be done? Today is the anniversary of my grandmothers death. She walks with me closely still to this day. In someways closer than ever... but that's a story for another day. My grandmother's family were Ukrainian Jews, my grandfather's, Russian Jews. The current war between the two was…

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Read more about the article The Power of a True Companion

The Power of a True Companion

To be in a close and sustained relationship with another that provides a clear mirror and crucible for burning through all that you are not is one of the greatest blessings of this temporary dream we call life. There is not a moment in life that I am not cognisant of this gift that life brought me in the form of Martyn, my husband. We have been together for 19 years and there's not a day that goes by that I am not filled to the brim with gratitude for him and for our relationship. Life in many other ways has brought great aloneness, challenges and heartbreak in my life. Life lessons that required me again and again to chart my own way, to walk through the darkness towards my own light. It has not been easy. It is still not easy. To have no path, to have no-one else to rely on in that sense. My life again and again goes through cycles of birth, death and re-birth, sometimes faster than a breath that causes such whiplash. Sometimes years upon years in the making that it feels never-ending. Much of it goes unseen to the world, except to those…

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Radical Honesty

Excerpt taken from the May 23rd, 2021 Sunday Satsang talking about the need for radical honesty along the spiritual path of awakening, and the need to have your loyalty be to your direct experience not your conditioned ideas.

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Read more about the article Love Not Fear: Freedom of Speech

Love Not Fear: Freedom of Speech

I saw an article about a popular video platform (ahem... shall remain nameless) banning "medically unsubstantiated" content today... It's not the first thing I've seen in recent weeks and months on various platforms that brings into question freedom of speech and censoring of content all in the name of trying to curb "misinformation" or "fake news". Once upon a time misinformation or fake news would have been to call the earth round rather than flat. It would have been a heresy to suggest it even but science and understanding is a constantly evolving thing, a working hypothesis rather than an 'Absolute Truth'.   Lack of freedom of speech honestly terrifies me as a proposition for society. It's not even the thin end of the wedge... I think we're past that analogy. I understand the imperative need to work and pull together as a collective, especially right now but not in the name of shutting down exploration, not in the name of shutting down thinking outside of the box.   To try and calcify and control life's expressions and evolution is madness. And while I do see a lot of weird and opposing views and opinions out there, even those termed…

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Read more about the article The Difficulty of Pretending with Others

The Difficulty of Pretending with Others

I was asked the other day how I deal with being around others, particularly when there's a level of pretending or not speaking your truth that seems to be required of you. --- I too know all too well this feeling of suffocation in the company of others. The subtle unsaid permissions of what you can say, which topics you can touch on and how deep that can go. The unsaid permissions that someone can't give for fear of threatening their own sense of Self, views and place in the world that they hold so tightly so as to keep the facade of security and knowingness intact. I think this is why the idea of Sanghas can be so enticing, a place to commune with others who were of like mind and place in their journey of unfoldment, of seeing. A place when you can find common ground and openness, common experience and views. Alas it's not as easy as it sounds to find the 'right' sangha! You are lucky if you can find this in a partner or in a close friend or two - this is what I have with Martyn and this is what I am eternally…

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Read more about the article The Lion Roars

The Lion Roars

Wow I feel like a lion has been unleashed. This brutal honesty in service of truth that cuts with the precision of a well known blade is quite a surprise to me. This sharp intellect that can spar and duel with words unknown to me, spilling out like nobodies business. There’s still a tendency that’s been around all my life – that when confronted with an assertion by someone, to shy away, to back down without even looking, to assume that they must be right… "who am I after all? I know nothing." But I’m finding this tendency more and more untenable. There’s a nauseating energy, I guess we would call it adrenaline, that surges in me and so this hiding, this backing down from looking to my own experience doesn’t last. It’s like I cannot NOT look to see if what is being said is true – no matter how much the tendency to hide from that looking still shows up. And so I find myself, for the first time in my life, facing full-faced to what life is showing me. Responding to the assertions of others, looking at the fabric of what they are saying. And… well then the…

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Read more about the article Stand in Truth

Stand in Truth

I stand in truth. Can I accept that I may be judged, I may be questioned, I may be ridiculed? Can I accept that, can I be brave? Can I stand in my own truth, without qualification and explanation? Can I stand sure, knowing that it’s the right thing, it’s the only thing? Can I stand in truth, unashamedly without reason, and with no excuse? Can I stand up for mySelf, stand tall for the realisation of my very being? Can I stand up for the truth of my own reality that I know so well, so intimately? Can I live my life without the influence of shoulds and should nots? Can I say to hell with it all and be as I am? Can I stand in all my glory, warts and all, honest and vulnerable? Can I accept all of it, every aspect of me, every aspect of life, can I embrace it into my heart without exception? So I stand in my truth and in turn encourage others to stand in theirs. For it’s the most loving thing I can do for myself and others. Drop all the games, all the masks, all the pretences, all the…

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