Am I enlightened: I have no idea.
I used to think I knew,
I used to think I had some idea.
I used to think it was important,
I used to think it mattered.
now I feel I haven’t got a clue,
and to be perfectly honest,
I couldn’t care less.
I certainly experienced a shift of perspective some years ago, a change of life that certainly blew the cobwebs out!
Ken Wilber once said he’s “enlightened enough”
and that seems like a good enough answer to me.
Enlightened enough to see through (most, certainly not all) of my egoic bullshit finally.
Enlightened enough to see my true nature shining through.
Enlightened enough to recognise that I’m not who and what I once thought I was.
Enlightened enough to see my Humanity,
and enlightened enough to see my Divinity.
But I couldn’t care less how enlightened or un-enlightened you think I am or not.
And I couldn’t care less about how enlightened or un-enlightened I come across!
What I do care about is life and how life feels to be lived.
That tangible direct experience OF life.
What I do care about is people and the diverse human experience that fills this world.
What I do care about is the suffering that I see around me that I feel is preventable, yet inevitable (gotta love paradoxes) as we go through the journey back to the remembrance and discovery of the Self.
What I do care about is the lack of love and acceptance, self love and self acceptance mostly, but that in turn spills out into the other.
What I do care about is being of service to any and all in the quest for self love, self acceptance and self discovery. The quest that ends up in the same place always, with the recognition and acceptance of our nature, the nature of reality, the nature of the person, the nature of self – the remembrance or “coming home” of who you always were.
It’s a quest that ends with truth, big capital ‘T’ Truth.
The greater truth that has nested within it many lesser or relative truths.
The truth that when questioned and poked and prodded always comes back to the basic fundamental and simplest of truths, that we are, that we exist, that we are conscious, that we are aware. That consciousness IS.
It’s a quest that ends in Self discovery and it’s a quest that ends with unconditional love and acceptance of all that arising in us AS us.
So do I care about enlightenment or awakening?
No, not especially.
Only in so much as the reality of awakening tends to lead to the same point of interest to me.
But the idea of it, the imagination of it, the seekers search of it, the teaching of it…
No I don’t give a rats ass about that particularly!
I don’t care about claims and assertions, I don’t care about how someone comes across or how much they know. I don’t care about likes or dislikes, what someone wears or eats or what someone enjoys spending their time doing.
I don’t care about being anybody or anything and I don’t care to make anyone else feel like they have to be anybody or anything to matter, to be seen, to be worthy of love and acceptance.
But I do care about others. I care about others in the same way I care about myself. I see no distinction, no separation. Where I see another’s pain I see my own pain. Where I see another’s hurt or confusion I see my own. We are not alone. Where there is suffering still left in this world there is work left to be done. And I’m here for that. I’m here for that in my imperfect and sometimes misguided way. I’m still a work in progress for my own stuff. But everyday I try to meet myself, I try to BE myself more and more, let life flow through me entirely. Release the handbrake that the mind so desperately wants to keep tightly on. Every day is a chance to free-fall into life, inhabit life and myself more fully and a chance to model that possibility. To model the possibility of love, of kindness, of openness, to model the possibility of life for us all.
At my core I find nothing but unconditional love, empty-but-full-beautiful-awareness-LOVE. The conscious attention of life playing through and as me. At my core I find nothing that isn’t included and embraced AS life, AS me. Yes you, yes other, yes world. All are one and ultimately the same, all are infinite undulations of life, of me.
At my core I know that this life is the most spectacularly beautiful light show playing out to be seen, to be heard, to be loved.
To me the IDEA of enlightenment pales in comparison to the actual living of life, the embodiment of life. The freedom and unconditional love that IS life. And we throw away that gift for seeking a status symbol of ‘enlightened one’. Pfft.
Some judge others and things like LOCs (levels of consciousness), levels of awakening, I used to be one of them. Now that’s not to say that a shared recognition doesn’t naturally come about of where someone is living life from. There’s a fragrance, an openness. A non-resistance that some have and it’s hard not to recognize that when confronted with it. But do I care, do I judge another for being this or that, higher or lower, lesser or more? No. I see that they are perfectly where they are. Do I want the very best for them, of course, always! But who am I to judge what that best is. I’m just doing my best to interact and act with what life calls of me. Sometimes it’s a call to help others on their path of Self discovery, but I take no claim, no ownership of this. If life wants something different of me tomorrow then I go with life. I unconditionally trust the wisdom of life.
No one is better or worse than another, higher or lower than another. We are all just aspects of life playing out in our own beautiful way. All of this is life, all of this is God, all of this Consciousness. To be ‘conscious’ or ‘unconscious’ to be ‘awake’ or ‘un’ is life’s Divine call. To judge and compare is to judge life and arrogantly place yourself, your mind in a higher knowing than life. But you see… even this mind is the Divine Grace of life, even this ego-mind with all its thoughts and conditionings is cognised by life for life. Even this we can’t condemn. There is no part of life that is not sacred. There is no part of life that does not deserve our care and consideration. There’s no part of life that does not deserve our love and acceptance.
For life IS what is happening, even in the shadows.
Am I enlightened? Sorry I digressed…. who knows, who cares, who wants to know? I’m just me, the me that is currently playing this role, in this body, until the curtain call of life comes to a close. What I do know is that life flows through me, life IS me.
Enlightenment doesn’t matter to me but if it matters to you fine, just don’t project that need on to me, don’t look for me to be anything in your eyes, as you will surely be disappointed at some point.. I’m just me, and this me is happy, at peace and in love with this and every ephemeral moment of life, this me bows her head and is of service to life in whatever way is needed. This me is happy being nobody other than herSELF.