I want to share what’s been going on with me recently, mainly so that people who’ve been working with me, or following my journey and work over the years can understand where I’m at right now. I’ve always aimed to be as open and transparent as possible, but more importantly because I see the universality of this process that I find myself in too.
And so I hope this blog post can be helpful to others, to encourage us all to lean into what life calls of us rather than trying to find a way around it or even try to bypass it altogether. I encourage you to open up further instead of withdrawing and closing off from a painful process or part of yourself. It’s the opening that leads to greater strength and clarity, greater freedom and grounding in one’s Self, greater acceptance and love.
But I also recognise we are each only able to open when we’re able to open, just as the fruit falls from the tree when it’s ripe. So this transmission of words is to all of you that find yourself in a position of ripeness. A position of life asking to meet whatever darkness lays within you so that you may step forth into your fullness.
Spiraling Back Through Old Trauma
So what I find myself being faced with right now is a deep dark core trauma that is working its way out of my system. A trauma field that has shaped and informed me and my life through what feels like a long ancestral line of this energetic footprint. I’ve found this trauma too subtle, too all-pervading to even put words or a single narrative to. I found that it had to be still subtly subtly held at a distance and therefore with some sense of unclarity until now because it was too vast, too big, too dark that it would have very likely overwhelmed my system beyond reconciliation.
Trauma that I naively thought I’d already met but have discovered over the years it’s more like a spiral – you keep meeting it again and again but in a new light, in a subtler and deeper sense, where you find a new perspective each time you cycle around to it. Each time my system adjusts, opens further, until now where I’ve reached the point where my system is asking for the whole of this un-native trauma energy to be uprooted, so that all parts of myself on all levels that have been cut off as a protection mechanism can be truly brought back into my system. Let me be clear, this is not obvious surface level stuff I’m talking about, it’s incredibly subtle and slippery to see, let alone name. But it’s time. I’m ready, it’s ready.
Slowing Down for the Process
The last few weeks I’ve been walking through a big and profound unraveling that’s requiring me to really really slow down and conserve my energy and focus for this process as it takes a lot of space and tenderness to walk through. It takes a real vigilance of awareness, a total focus on the present moment to allow for what is pushing up into the light of awareness. It requires me to set very good boundaries with my energy as this stuff in this particular energy field I’ve found to be very wily and dense, leaving me shaky, vulnerable and exhausted. I wholeheartedly welcome this process, but it’s not an easy one to walk through.
So as such I’ve found myself much less available to others for the moment, particularly for Satsang meetings and 1-1 sessions as with these types of sessions I find that I am having to entirely leave aside the process I’m going through as I give the person(s) I sit with the whole undivided focus of my energy and attention.
Interestingly the transmissions are a different matter altogether as I’ve actually found them to be very energetically nourishing for me. They seem to help this process of touching the core traumas, not just for myself personally but all those receiving these transmissions too. It’s like a profound holding of the universal trauma-pain field so that it may be transmuted into light, and in the process reuniting our self with the obviousness of our true undivided Self (Consciousness).
I feel this information is in the transmission, in the light, the information that allows for people to open up to the fullness of their soul beyond the limited distortion of our traumas, uplifting us into a higher level of universal healing, change and harmony.
So right now I temporarily need this extra space for this process, so that I can deal with it fully and be able to come back to the work that I’m called to do with people. I don’t anticipate this going on for too long, but for the month of July I’ll be offering limited 1-1 session slots as a result.
As an aside, I also recently came to the decision to press pause on the Global Transmissions (which I’ve been doing since early 2018) as I walk through this challenging time.
Am I the Doer of This Process?
Don’t mistake my description of this process as that of me having to ‘do’ this… of course ‘I do’ on one level certainly, but it’s a choice-less doing at its heart. A ‘doing’ not of a doer, but as a description of a happening… this whole life as a happening, leading entirely to this moment. And as I see it unfolding I can’t help but wonder and marvel at the divine intelligence of life as it comes to bear the fruit it that has been growing within its bosom. It’s the same intelligence that awoke the remembrance and realisation of a truly strong foundational recognition of my groundless ground of Being.
Through this these seemingly final pieces of the puzzle can be welcomed into the powerful and ubiquitous Light of Self, such light that cannot be overwhelmed by the darkness that these historical trauma energies hold. It’s this innate intelligence that has guided the years of inner work, taking me continuously to the edge, pushing the boundaries of comfort again and again, bringing light to the corners ready to be lit. It’s been such a process, and it’s a process that I see we all have to go through eventually.
What all of this is making abundantly clear to me (even more so than it even was already) is that the Self-Realisation (ie. non-dual awakening) process is just the beginning, the full stop before the next chapter. It brings you to the point where your entire system is so open to finally allow yourself to experience and truly see with all aspects of your entire Being. And with that you are able to see where you were previously coming from, what informed you, the mistakes and assumptions of the conditioned mind, what trauma was laid down that influenced how you experienced the world. It opens up the ability to see and hold all of this while stepping into a bigger picture and out of the limited conditions and influence of these fields.
These are not unique fields as such, the exact content and narrative may well be, but they are a universal dimension of trauma, of pain, of suffering. They are the cause of much deadness and blindness to one’s Self. Fields that we all face as they distort the system and limit our ability to come to the full and unimpeded blossoming of our true nature. And right now in this moment of history I feel that our systems are getting more sensitive so that we find ourselves literally cracking open these trauma fields. There seems to be a particularly ripe time-quality and intensity in that whatever we put our attention on can be held deeply enough that it may come finally into the light.
Awakening is just the beginning.